Generation X - Plus One

Long, long, long...

2004-06-03T16:26:00.000+01:00

...time no post. Ah well, it's just that I can't be bothered. Any who, I best give up my latest anecdote on Mia. We have, over the course of the last week, been attempting to introduce Mia to the delights of formula milk, so that Suzanne may return to work with her breasts. Unfortunately there has been a nasty side effect. Formula seems to clog Mia's bowel somewhat. So last week we had to wait 3 days for a poo. As many baby owners may have guessed, you have never seen such a mess. And the smell. Suzanne and I were gagging. I can't wait for proper food to work it's way through. Ahem.

Little change

2004-05-07T10:06:00.000+01:00

Today is Suzanne's birthday, and yet again I've had to deduct the cost of Suzanne's present from Mia out of her future spending money. If Mia keeps spending at this rate she'll have nothing left when she's older.

In other news, well there is none. Mia has not really added to her first (rather ambiguous) word and I've not won any more competitions.

My readership is no longer good enough

2004-04-29T15:44:00.000+01:00

Well, I'm now famous. It's official. I've had one of my pictures published in The Guardian's website. Specifically the football section. I won first prize, by putting Diego Maradona's head onto the Marshmallow man from Ghostbusters along with a football on his hand. I did change the name of the ball to read "cheat", but the picture is a bit small.

See it in it's glory here.

First words

2004-04-29T12:46:00.000+01:00

Mia has spoken her first word. Yesterday, while she was just doing a few baby things, sat near Suzanne, she was heard to say, "oogah." Now I'm not sure what this meant, I've not yet looked it up in the dictionary, but I'm sure it's a very clever word, maybe something with a technical meaning. Alternatively, she was badly advised and was trying to copy John Fashanu's catchphrase on Gladiators of, "Awoogah!" What a twat.

At the weigh in

2004-04-28T13:01:00.000+01:00

The only time in your life when being fat is positively encouraged is when you are a baby. Otherwise you're just a slob who has an extra meal each day that all fat people eat, but deny. So it turns out that Mia is making the most of this, she weighed in at 12lbs 2oz or 5.5kgs. For a nine week old this puts her into the 75th percentile on the weight/age graph. No McDonald's for you Miss Brooke when you're older.

it's time to post again

2004-04-26T13:43:00.000+01:00

Mia had her first round of immunisations last week, which meant that we've had an unhappy baby for the last few days. Only yesterday did she come close to her normal self. The side effect of the injections is Polio ridden poo for the next few weeks, so I'll have to start washing my hands after I've changed her rather than wipe them on my jeans. Kidding.

Having Mia has made me wonder - at what age, after being sick, do you stop putting your hands in it and wiping it around your face? Are there some backward people out there who at 42 ,still smear puke around themselves or does everyone grow out of it?

Monthly Post

2004-04-21T13:36:00.000+01:00

I bet this site looked abandoned didn't it. Well I've shooed the tumbleweeds away, dusted it down and given it a shiny new coat of paint. (and posted something.) Mia will be two months old tomorrow and this should go someway to explaining the lack of posts. During this period, I've had 4 weeks off work so I wasn't going to log in to my work computer to post, nor post using our home computer, where this drivel costs upto 4 pence/minute to write. On to the baby then. She sleeps well at the moment, although this is liable to change at any moment according to which book you read. She feeds well, putting on weight and growing at an alarming rate. She has just learned to cartwheel, although only a couple in a row. Maybe a back flip or two could be thrown in during the next few weeks. Mia has also survived a small car crash. Suzanne thought she'd test the strength of my Alfa by tail ending a bloke in a Lexus, while driving her parents and Mia to Mothercare. My car won't be fixed until 7th May.

Fat Bloater

2004-03-24T13:36:00.000Z

Mia was weighed today and came in at a whopping 9lbs 10oz. Even fat people must struggle to put this much weight on. This may explain why she is so good when we take her out to lunch -she is too busy thinking about the nice food we've got to cry. (She saves that for when we get home after she's realised there was no pizza/curry/etc for her.)

Regular as clockwork these posts. Ahem.

2004-03-19T13:21:00.000Z

Right, well here goes with another post. I've discovered that the key to a good nights sleep is to move the baby out of the room I'm sleeping in to one further down the hall. Magic - an unbroken sleep. I actually felt dizzy yesterday I was so tired, but have now recovered today sufficiently to go to the pub after work. Cue dizziness again. It turns out that Mia is the cleverest baby ever to have been. She is able to pick up her own head after just two weeks and has disproved Newtons third law. She also has the knack of being sick just after she's been bathed and shitting her self just after a clean nappy, which then every so often, comes out of the top and soaks through the clean outfit she's just put on. (She can dress her self now. She is always wearing something different from the morning, when I arrive home from work.)

Yawn

2004-03-12T09:10:00.000Z

Well, what can I say. Mia has settled into a pattern that involves waking me up several times a night, with various gurgles, snorts and coughs. The sort that make you think she is choking. So each night, I wake up and get Suzanne to check she's ok. She is. She is just making noises in her sleep. I'm tired. You could add grumpy too. I'm praying for a power cut at work, so that when the lights go out I can catch 40 winks without anyone seeing me. And apparently other babies are not as well behaved as Mia!

I'm back

2004-03-09T12:50:00.000Z

at work. Boo. Well this blog was about the build up to the birth of Mia, and I feel that has happened now I've had two weeks to get used to the idea. So what now? I could tell every reader to bugger off and read something else as they are no longer wanted, or I could continue with the new baby theme. I'll decide over the next few days. I'm not fishing for encouragement, but I'll carry on if you send cash.

At last

2004-02-23T14:09:00.000Z

We've had a baby girl, Mia Elise, she weighed in at 7lbs 2oz and was born at 08.08 yesterday morning. Both mother and baby are well.

Ha, fooled you.

2004-02-20T13:26:00.000Z

I arrived 15 minutes late in to the office this morning, to find my colleagues heavily speculating about the birth of my child. So in keeping with keeping everyone on their toes, I thought I'd post this later than usual too. By posting this, it can be deduced that the baby has not arrived. I didn't need to post this to deduce that, I already knew of course. I also have very little to say.

Are we nearly there yet? Are we nearly there yet? Are we nearly there yet?

2004-02-19T12:14:00.000Z

In short, no.

One day overdue is very frustrating. The longer this goes on for, the longer it will take for me to have my two weeks holiday. Sorry, Paternity leave. Why do people ring up and ask if we've had it? - "Yes we had it two weeks ago, but didn't want to tell you." I've had people who I barely know asking me to let them know. Why? The other thing we've had is people telling us when it will be born and telling us that it will be a boy/girl. I wonder at what age the baby becomes less interesting to people?

Check up

2004-02-18T13:18:00.000Z

Suzanne has had her check up this morning. The baby has engaged (3 fifths - whatever that means) and has turned side on, so no longer is it back to back, making escape possible.

Apparently if a baby has not engaged by week 40 one would be sent for a further scan to check that it's head will fit through the pelvis. As they say - no one likes a big head.

Predictably 0...

2004-02-18T10:41:00.000Z

We gave a rousing rendition of "Happy Birthday To You" this morning, but still the baby refused to move from its current home. Do you sing Happy Birthday when a baby is born, or should one wait a year? The ante-natal class never mentioned this.

1..

2004-02-17T09:54:00.000Z

Will the baby take after its mother and be late? The due date of tomorrow is fast approaching and there is little sign of action. The 1001st visitor to my site has been and gone, so there was no correlation to that and the baby's birth day. Surprisingly.

Coincidently

2004-02-16T17:07:00.000Z

I started this site after discovering Suzanne was pregnant. She is only a couple of days of the due date now, and as chance would have it, this site is only 5 unique visitors off 1000. Do you think the baby will come after 5 more unique visitors?

I would guess that most visitors to the site are a result of Google pointing me out as a source of pregnancy related medical information or for school projects on the naming of generations. This site is neither qualified nor informative enough to give either. It is nice to know that someone else wants to electrify the body work on his car, but why someone has a baby that judders is beyond me. As for the person who dropped their baby - this site has nothing to do with that. Yet.

2..

2004-02-16T12:27:00.000Z

The weekend didn't see any baby action, other than what appeared to be a few practise contractions late Sunday night. At least it gives me some time to tidy things up at work, before I take my two weeks paternity leave.

5...

2004-02-13T14:18:00.000Z

Dining room decorated - check
Living room decorated - check
Spare/baby room decorated - check
Push chair ready - check
Moses basket in place - check
Cot bought - check
Clothes washed and ironed - check
Toys purchased - check
Baby arrived - no chance. What is it waiting for? We haven't got all day, doesn't it realise we're ready for it? Right that's it, it's not allowed to come out now until after the Man Utd match tomorrow. Ha.

6 days..

2004-02-12T12:55:00.000Z

It was check-up day yesterday and all is well. Baby is still back to back with Suzanne, so it will need to move before it can get out.

An old wives tale - the truth will out

2004-02-09T16:49:00.000Z

Suzanne, via Lisa, has told me that the Japanese believe more babies are born when the moon is full and even go so far as to staff their hospitals based upon this. As such, I have installed a moon chart on the side bar. We can see, and therefore prove or disprove, what the moon looks like (without looking at the night sky) when the baby is born.

The baby has arrived...

2004-02-09T13:14:00.000Z

...is what we would have said had it been born when Suzanne wanted it to. Unfortunately there is still no sign of its birth and we may face another week of waiting. There are only 9 days to go now 'till its due date, but the sensible money will be on it being late.

Every so often the baby pokes out a foot which stretches Suzanne's stomach out at that point. Now if it was a clever baby, we could write out the whole alphabet round her bump, allowing the baby to spell out answers to questions we asked, with its foot. You may think this sounds daft, but it is only an extension of what this prat is suggesting. If only it was a typo that should read, "Singing with your baby."

It will sleep sound now

2004-02-06T16:00:00.000Z

Suzanne has taken delivery of some new curtains for the spare, sorry, baby's room. There will now be no excuse for it not sleeping through the night now its curtains match its cot.

What are you doing?

2004-02-04T16:30:00.000Z

Suzanne has been checked over again. The baby has still not bothered to engage and is lying back to back with Suzanne, which means that it won't engage in that position either. I suppose it's only week 38 so it has a couple more weeks to go, but it would be more convenient if it came early. The midwife guessed that it weighed around 7 pounds at the moment, and that our doctor is happy to let women go two weeks overdue before intervention. By my guesstimate it would be 16.5 pounds by then and be able to walk. But I'm not a doctor, so who knows. It could be that the baby has picked up from Suzanne somehow that we have not been able to get the blankets we want as they have been out of stock. Mmmm, clever. It must be the cleverest baby in the blah, blah, blah etc.

I'm still in Crewe at the moment and the snow, which would have stopped me passing over the Pennines, has now given way to torrential rains. The M62 was flooded this morning. Our neighbour, Noah, has started to construct a large boat. Maybe he knows something.

An important month

2004-02-02T11:18:00.000Z

We have now entered in to the most important month of the year. It's my birthday on the 7th (all gifts welcome) and the baby will have its birthday once it has decided on a day. Hopefully it won't pick the same as me as I've made plans.

On Friday we went to a class on infant feeding and life after birth. We were pretty much sold breast feeding with little discussion on the benefits of bottle feeding, but they are only allowed to this because of government guidelines. The life after birth was summed up by the laughter of people who had already had children.

A bit of a waiting game

2004-01-29T11:05:00.000Z

Suzanne had her weekly check up yesterday. Everything is fine. The baby has still not engaged though, but it is engaged to be engaged. So, in short, it won't be coming today, but is still on time to come by its due date. I am getting fed up of waiting now. There must be a way of tempting it out. Do they respond to bribery?

Into Week 37

2004-01-26T14:35:00.000Z

Or at least I think it is, on Wednesday. So I must now admit to feeling a bit nervous about it all. The dash to hospital is the bit playing on my mind, because despite being told what to do, I can't remember. (I also don't want my car seats soiled.) The delivery of the ante-natal class lectures left me wishing I was elsewhere, so the midwife's monotone rant started off, "when the baby reaches the second blah, blah, blah." Then I was gone. I wish I had listened. With the forecast snow this week, Suzanne is bound to go into labour, while I will be left stranded on the other side of the Pennines unable to pass. ( I am still working in Crewe.) The hospital is only a 20 minute up-hill walk from our house though, so she could make it there on her own in theory. In fact if she took the push chair with her, she could get home too.

More boxes

2004-01-23T13:41:00.000Z

Our delivery from Mothercare has arrived. We now have a cot for the baby to sleep in and a push chair for it to ride in. A ton of bedding also arrived with a couple of toy things too. So tonight I will have to assemble these things rather than relaxing on my sofa.

Suzanne's mid-week visit to the mid-wife confirmed my diagnosis that the baby had dropped down a bit. It hasn't engaged though.

I've bought some necessary (in my opinion), upgraded rear speakers for my home cinema too, which I can collect next week. So next Friday night will be spent cursing while receiving minor electric shocks off my amp.

It's moved

2004-01-19T11:40:00.000Z

It would appear that our baby has dropped down about 4 or 5 inches since last week, leaving Suzanne free to breathe more easily but walk less so. Apparently this can happen up to 4 weeks before giving birth, so it would appear that it is on schedule. Suzanne says she wants it on 9th February as that would be convenient. Not sure it works like that.

Damn this blog

2004-01-14T11:00:00.000Z

Despite having nothing to report, I feel duty bound to write something on my blog. The sooner the baby arrives the sooner I can stop this damn thing. Unless it turns into a blog about a baby growing up that is. Suzanne's maternity leave has given her the opportunity to watch copious amounts of daytime TV, then she can relay the gripping story lines to me at work. Apparently, on Trisha today, there is an 81 year old man who has spent over £6,000 on hookers over the last 9 weeks. Nice. On Blue Peter last night they had a man in to wash the dog and after he had finished the female presenter said, "You can do me after if you like." rendering the other presenter unable to speak or stand up straight through laughter.

The comfy chair was there!

2004-01-09T14:56:00.000Z

The visit went well. It has scared the hell out of us both - I think it became a bit too realistic. On the plus side - each delivery room has an arm chair in the corner, which I can rotate towards the window. The gas & air was in easy reach too. We can, subject to availability, pay for a separate room off the ward after baby has been born, so that Lady Suzanne of Harrogate doesn't have to mix with the riff-raff.

Where's the exit?

2004-01-08T13:49:00.000Z

Tonight, Suzanne and I will take a guided tour of the hospitals maternity ward and delivery suite so we can get a flavour of what to expect on B-Day. I hope that they have those headsets that you can rent to go round with, and as in the Jorvic Viking centre in York, they pump out smells (that all smell the same) to make your visit come to life. Maybe they use animatronics in a Madame Tussaud's style. Once I've bought my hot-dog, large coke, 3-D glasses and souveneir fridge magnet, I'll report back on their set-up. So long as there is a comfortable chair for me to sit in, well away from the action yet close enough for me to sample the gas and air if it all gets too much, I'll be OK.

"The baby needs things"...

2004-01-05T14:18:00.000Z

...was what Suzanne could be frantically heard saying over the festive period. "It could come any day" was another, despite the advertised arrival date of 18th February, which is ages away in my book. So to keep her quiet, we went to Mothercare in Harrogate on Saturday and bought the contents of the shop. We bought so much that a shop assistant carried two bin-liner sized bags to my car with me as I couldn't manage them my self. But apparently that was not enough. We have to order more things for it. We need a two-way baby monitor, digital of course. Why? I can understand why we need to listen to the baby, but why does the baby need to listen to us?

X-mas Eve

2003-12-24T09:46:00.000Z

Well it's here at last - one last half day of work and I'm off until the 5th Jan. Suzanne has her doctors appointment this morning to check everything is OK before she is subjected to more visits to the Roebuck than she'll ever expect.

Over the last weekend, we discovered why pregnant people shouldn't sleep on their backs. It's because the baby will be tempted to lie with its back to your back, making delivery difficult. Apparently you should sleep on your left as this makes the baby lie in the best position. No one ever told us this and very few pregnancy books mention why either.

As this blog is written using my work lap-top, I'll not be posting anything else on here until next year, as touching this thing reminds me of work.

One last complaint - people who never drive into city centres or on the motorway except at Christmas time should be forced to pay a huge tax for pissing off regular users with their poor road sense/cluelessness as to which lane to drive in/hogging the middle lane antics. In fact they should be gassed, along with those people who clog up bars, pubs and restaurants once a year and those people who use taxi's once a year so that regular users have to wait.

Does anyone know how to electrify the body work on a car?

2003-12-19T14:39:00.000Z

Some pikey kid who doesn't realise how much I will hurt him should I catch him, has decided to attempt to pull the badge off the bonnet of my new car. What the hell would he have done with it should he have succeeded? It's not even a VW badge that one could wear on some Argos sourced necklace. I've now had to book it in to be fixed tomorrow, so there goes my lie in and a few quid with it.

School's out for Christmas

2003-12-19T14:09:00.000Z

Today is Suzanne's last day at school. Her maternity leave technically begins on the first day back after the Christmas holidays, but practically speaking, today is her last. I believe her colleagues have bought her a Moses basket, although it, as far as I'm aware, does not contain any Moses. Should the EU find out, it will be re-named just basket or baby basket, I suggest. As always the children buy her gifts at Christmas which I then have to vet at the front door. The vast array of scented candles can usually be burned in a day (all at once to get it over with), wine can be checked for sell by dates, then consumed if safe (Last year someone gave her a bottle of wine that was 5 years out of date - the child obviously wanted her poisoned). Any vases can be thrown out as they are always cheap and tacky. Foodstuffs from dirty children can be binned and then we are left with a chocolate mountain to eat throughout the first three months of the following year. This year though the gifts are more likely to contain things for the baby, which worries me as I'd like to know where they came from and that they are not second hand. No doubt Suzanne will be grateful as always.

A dose of reality

2003-12-16T11:26:00.000Z

We were in Sainsburys this weekend when I spotted a lady who attended our ante-natal classes with us. Only her bump had shrunk somewhat. Then her husband rounded the corner with a baby on top of their trolley. It wasn't due until the 20th December. While this may not sound too odd, Suzanne and I looked at each other in horror, at the fact that these large bumps do turn into babies. It is difficult to comprehend the connection, but seeing this lady kind of brought it home to the both of us.

9 weeks, 6 days to go...

2003-12-11T11:20:00.000Z

...which isn't that long really. I did have a look on the internet to see what else you could do with 10 weeks - it would appear that you can shoot 59 people, lose weight or train some soldiers. Think I'll give those a miss.

It's got rhythm

2003-12-08T13:42:00.000Z

Over the weekend Suzanne shouted me over to feel her stomach. The baby had hiccoughs and you could feel it quite clearly. It jolted on a regular basis, as one does when hiccoughing. I felt quite sorry for it because I hate hiccoughs. It may not have been a hiccough though - it could just be good at dancing to a regular beat. Who knows. Which leads me on to a pet hate. Why do new parents/grandparents always state to anyone who will listen that their new off-spring is the cleaverest/prettiest/fastest baby ever to have walked the earth, when it's invariably not true. To top this off, no one ever argues back - No, the baby who lives at number 34 is far better looking and can do the 12 times table.

Same story - different county

2003-12-03T13:27:00.000Z

It would appear from reading Lisa's web site, that ante-natal classes worldwide have come up with the same graphic to illustrate childbirth. At our last class we were forced to watch as a large doll was forced through a plastic pelvis (I asked of the scale of each model as the doll looked too big to go through the hole), and also we had a lovely hand knitted placenta with a net bag which the doll could fit inside. There was a press stud on its belly where the platted, wool umbilical cord could be attached. We were also given the "you will poo" speech, but to my disappointment, no-one had knitted a nice turd to demonstrate.

I'm back

2003-12-02T13:55:00.000Z

I usually fall ill/injure myself on trips out of the country, but bucked the trend and returned home unscathed. It was close though. As our plane circled a fog bound Schipol Airport, the pilot informed us he did not have much fuel left. Thanks. At least I would have known why I was about to die.

I have no news on the baby though. Our ante-natal class last Wednesday night happened without us. I got stuck in traffic on the way home and Suzanne was too tired to go out. So I did watch the footy. I believe that the baby could be about to grow some hair this week, according to Discovery Health Channel. I hope it's not a silly hair style though - It will be straight to Tony & Guy if it has.

The next few days

2003-11-25T15:19:00.000Z

Tomorrow we're off to the next ante-natal class. I think it's about what to do with the baby once you take it home. The downside to this is is that there is a clash with the football. I've not been given the choice to choose the latter and must attend. (maybe with a small radio concealed about my person.)

Before the class though, I will take delivery of my new car. The Punto, as previously mentioned, was not up to the job and has paid the price. I threatened it with the scrap yard, but on appeal, traded it in. Unfortunately I will not get to drive it for a couple of days as I'm going on a work do to Amsterdam on Thursday and Friday. So this means no posts either.

A chip off the old block

2003-11-25T14:40:00.000Z

Over the weekend we went to the cinema to watch Love Actually. It wasn't actually that bad, but then again, I'm not offended by the Four Weddings/Hugh Grant genre of film. If you are stay away. The thing was though, I hate the cinema mainly because I think that it's overpriced by a long way, it smells of cheap food, other people who eat pop corn/tortilla chips with dip/hot dogs always sit next to me with their foul smelling food, someone always sits in front of me or Suzanne who is 7 foot tall and sports permed hair adding several extra inches. I could go on. I could spend the 12 quid entrance fee on beer. But I now have someone else who thinks the same. From the moment we walked in the door, past the pikey kids hanging around there, to the second we joined the horrendous queue to get out of the car park, the baby kicked Suzanne continuously, no doubt trying to escape or force her to leave.

Rotund

2003-11-21T12:55:00.000Z

Having been away from home the last few days, I returned last night to notice that Suzanne's bump has grown somewhat. Whereas before it could be disguised under a maternity cardigan, but now it looks like she has a fully inflated beach ball under her top. I only turned my back for a day or two and look what happens.

I was sent this about Wacko Jacko today and thought I'd post it:-

The FBI have raided Michael Jackson's ranch today, they found class A drugs in the kitchen, class B drugs in the bathroom and class 4c in the bedroom.

More Classes

2003-11-18T11:22:00.000Z

Last night we had another ante-natal class, this time about the 2nd and 3rd stages of labour. It was worth while going as the they told us many things we didn't know already. The only thing was that the pace of the class is decidedly slow. We were there for two hours, and I'm sure they could give you the information in one hour easily.

Shopping

2003-11-14T14:15:00.000Z

As the pregnancy becomes more and more realistic, I've realised that the baby will need things. Things to wear, sleep in and on, etc. So last weekend I was dragged to Mamas and Papas. Now this place is hell on earth. There are children running around, loads of pregnant women all looking and cooing over the same stuff. Then there are the other blokes in there, that have also been dragged in, all giving each other that knowing look that says I'd rather be in the pub. They do have a web site though, but there are no prices on anything, which means they're expensive. Plus they featured on Watchdog as their push chairs do not collapse, leaving you unable to put it in the car. Maybe we'll have to go look elsewhere. I think that old war wound will start giving me jip when the time comes*.

*I was not involved in any war. It's just an excuse not to go.

Well said...

2003-11-12T14:22:00.000Z

I saw this quote in the paper the other day and couldn't resist re-printing it here.

Peter Hetherston, the manager of Scottish Third Division Albion Rovers, declared lineswoman Morag Pirie solely responsible for his side's 1-0 defeat by Montrose at the weekend - because she is a woman.

"I knew it wasn't going to be our day when... I found that we had a woman running the line," Hetherston told the Scottish Sun. "She should be at home making the tea or the dinner for her man who comes in after he has been to the football. This is a professional man's game. I believe that she shouldn't be here."

On baby news, Suzanne pointed out that we are approaching the last 3 months of her pregnancy now. It dawned on her when Channel Four's latest series of "How Clean is Your House" has finished, we will have a baby (and a dirty house).

Nothing to report

2003-11-10T14:04:00.000Z

Baby-wise there is no news really. Suzanne seems to have more aches and pains these days than previously, but apart from that not a lot is going on. Our next ante natal class was tonight, but we had forgot about it so we'll not bother going until it is re-run at a later date. This should be before we have the baby, or it would be pointless, as it's about pain reduction.

And breathe

2003-11-06T11:33:00.000Z

We went to our ante-natal class last night. It was quite interesting, we now know when to go to hospital and what happens when we get there. Most of it was obvious, but it was reassuring to be told anyway. Unfortunately it coincided with Harrogate's firework display, so we couldn't watch that. The nights top tip was that it's best to breathe when you're having contractions - but I guess you wouldn't last too long if you didn't.

If you want something doing properly

2003-11-03T15:21:00.000Z

I took a days holiday on Friday to redecorate our dining room. As Suzanne is pregnant I could not force her up the ladder, to strip off the old wallpaper, as usual and had to do it myself. Consequently, it's not finished. In fact it's no where near finished, more like just started. I am away for a few days though, in Crewe, so as Suzanne will have nothing to do in the evenings, it should be done by the time I get back.

We've got our first ante-natal class on Wednesday night, providing we have our places confirmed, which could be interesting. I think it's about when to come to hospital.

A slight sting

2003-10-30T16:53:00.000Z

We have now reached week 24 and it would be possible for the baby to survive should it be born today. Hopefully it won't be, but Suzanne seems to think that it wouldn't make her eyes water as much if it was born now, rather than February.

Strange happenings

2003-10-28T17:48:00.000Z

For those of you that didn't watch Top Gear last weekend, I have to share this with you.

Move slowly away from your car, opening and closing the car with the remote locking fob, until it no longer operates. With my car, the maximum distance from the car I can still open and close it, is about 30 feet. Now put the fob against your head and press the button. Magic ! It will now lock and unlock your car ! Holding the fob against your head doubles the distance at which it operates. Explanations on a post card please.

My Gen-x milestone

2003-10-27T14:04:00.000Z

I've cut the ceremonial ribbon, drank champagne and hung a garland around the neck of the site's 250th visitor. But I would gratefully request that the person who searched for "my nappy is always soiled in the mornings" kindly never return. You are not welcome here.

The Lost Weekend

2003-10-27T14:01:00.000Z

With all the interest surrounding Paul Burell's new book on Diana, I doubt anyone could be reading anything else. But just in case that's not quite the case, I'll reveal, from my priviledged position inside the Brooke household, some startling revelations of the weekend. Suzanne and I drove the 400 mile, 7 hour round trip, to go to Suzanne's friend, Katie, 30th birthday party. But Suzanne was ill all night and we spent a total of 15 minutes there. She's better now though.

I'm in Crewe again and will have to watch Leeds vs. Man U in the hotel tomorrow night - it had better be on.

A good result

2003-10-23T13:22:00.000+01:00

Man Utd beat Rangers last night at Ibrox They should have won by more than the one goal, given the amount of possession they had and the blatant penalty, that was overlooked by the referee, when Berg brought down Scholes at the end the match. But I can't complain as we still won. See my "Football" link if you want to read a better write up of the game.

I had a look on the internet to see if there was any advice for new fathers about what life may be like with a baby and what to do with it. Google returned this.

First search hits Gen X

2003-10-22T09:41:00.000+01:00

I find it so frustrating when searching the net looking for piece of information. What always happens is I end up looking at several sites that Google claims they hold the answer, but is always irrelevant, before I get the information I want. I am now responsible for someone else's annoyance. I've been the search result for someone else's quest for information. They didn't find it. Ha.

Awareness

2003-10-21T12:26:00.000+01:00

I've started to become aware of other people's children over the last few weeks. I never really realised just how many people have babies with them. Maybe I blocked them out somehow before I knew I would be having one of my own? It could be some sort of mechanism to get used to parenthood or something. It is weird though.

Thank god it's Friday

2003-10-17T12:57:00.000+01:00

The end of the week couldn't come too soon. We have no visitors expected over the weekend, so I can do what I want. Football, haircut, coffee in town and a Chinese take-away for dinner should be the order for Saturday I think. No doubt Suzanne will agree. As for baby updates - it appears to be kicking so hard now that Suzanne can't sleep through the night. So she tells me anyway, I've been in Crewe all week and will be again next week. This could cause a problem though - Man Utd play Scottish whipping boys, Rangers, in the Champions League on Wednesday - a game that I must watch. I dare not leave it to chance that the hotel will be showing the game, so I'll have to drive home to watch it.

Tighter child control

2003-10-15T11:01:00.000+01:00

While eating my dinner last night (alone) in the hotel restaurant, listening to other people's conversations, a family came in and sat at the table next to me. They had a baby, about 1 year old I guess, who ran around the restaurant. This was really annoying the other people in there, as he screamed as loud as he could as he ran between the tables and chairs. The parents just let him carry on all the way through dinner, until I decided I could take no more, and took my desert back to my room before I said something.

I have therefore decided that any parents who cannot control their children in public places, especially if they are annoying me, should have their child taken away and swapped for one of these.

Fiat have called me to let me know that they now think that my car will always kangeroo in traffic. Great. I have told them they should buy it back and am awaiting their call to discuss this further. Do you think they will call? I bet I will have to chase them up on this one.

Do not buy a Fiat

2003-10-13T13:11:00.000+01:00

I have just had my car returned over the weekend after Fiat broke it. The shudder they were supposed to have fixed re-appeared in the traffic this morning. Not according to Fiat though. They "thoroughly" tested it, even in a disused quarry (lack of other cars apparently), to discover that they could not get the car to fault no matter what they did. Therefore it must be OK and the kangarooing was a figment of my imagination. I have also had it explained that the judder will now just be a feature of the car in certain traffic conditions. I pointed out that neither the salesman nor the brochure seem to mention this. The next solution is a new engine computer, although they think it will make no difference.

The thrill of the big-top

2003-10-10T13:33:00.000+01:00

Well, we've had the scan (more precisely Suzanne has had the scan) - the baby looks normal, two arms, two legs and a head, all in the right places. So we don't have to force it to join the circus to make a living. I say "it" because the baby didn't like the intrusion into its current home and kept its legs crossed, hiding any clues to its sex. Although the scan operator said 60/40 in favour of a girl, because she could see nothing to suggest it was male - then again she could see nothing full stop so I'm not reading too much into that. I also think that given the population as a whole is around 52/48 in favour of women, her 60/40 guess could have been made without the scanner. Oh, and we got two scan pictures from them for free. Not bad eh?

A baby blog

2003-10-08T11:57:00.000+01:00

I meant this blog to be about our baby, so here goes. Suzanne went to the doctors this morning for her regular height, weight, baby heart beat tests. Everything was fine, so that is good. We have our scan on Friday morning, which I am looking forward to. Hopefully they can tell us if we have a future footballer or one that can't throw properly. Not that I have a preference - just healthy will do.

The week ahead

2003-10-06T09:52:00.000+01:00

After a weekend that was once again all too short for my liking, I will be driving off to meet the dentist this afternoon, which should be fun. (note: sarcasm). After that I shall be working in Crewe again for a few days so I may not get the chance to post again for a couple of days.

I have been having car trouble now for the last few months. Each time I get stuck in traffic, my car performs a kangeroo action, jolting backwards and forwards, until I have to dip the clutch. Fiat claim there is no problem. I disagree. After 3 visits back to the dealership I made a mechanic drive my car with me. He made it kangaroo down the road too. When I had heard nothing all that day, I called the garage to find out what they had done to remedy it. They told me that they could not find a problem with the car and have done nothing with it, but I was welcome to come back and have their mechanic test it with me. Arrgh! So after I carefully explained what had happened that day, I had arranged to take my car back to them on Friday 3rd. That evening, after I hadn't heard from them, I called them to see what they had done. They had in fact broke something on my car which they could not find a replacement for until the middle of this week. I have to have a car, so they have now given me a brand new £15,000 car to drive in all week. It did have only 15 miles on the clock when they gave it to me, but I shall make sure it won't when I return it. That will teach them - depreciation, I now like you.

Hotels

2003-10-03T13:19:00.000+01:00

As you may know from my previous post, I was away in Crewe staying here. I hate staying in hotels because when I want to go to sleep I always go though the same routine with the lights. I stand at the switches that are near the door/bathroom pressing all the switches (random lights flash on and off) until just the bedside light is on. I can then get into bed without falling over anything and just switch off the final light. The only problem is, the switch by the bed does not operate the light next to the bed and I end up going through the flashing lights routine again. The other thing that annoys me is if I have the misfortune to go to prison, I would expect to have an old sheet and a blanket on my bed. So why is it when I stay in a four star hotel, there is no duvet on the bed, there are just sheets and blankets. Gah!

Long time no post

2003-10-02T09:14:00.000+01:00

Sorry for the lack of baby related posting, but I've been sent to Crewe where my internet access is restricted to a few minutes per day.

A sign...

2003-09-26T12:16:00.000+01:00

One of our friends has told us about communicating with your baby before it can speak using sign language. We thought this was the funniest thing ever - baby points at back of nappy - translates, "I'm sorry, I appear to have unwittingly soiled my self again."

I just can't imangine how a baby could possibly have the dexterity to rub its stomach in a circular motion and point into its gaping mouth with the other hand in order to get some food. But, alas, it's all true as you can see here. The one question I would have though is why would the example baby want ,or need, to sign "monkey". Surly if you watch a baby's movements and apply these signing theories to its gestures it will be saying ,"aeroplane milk monkey up." which must be more confusing than not knowing what it wants.

Is it a record?

2003-09-25T11:01:00.000+01:00

Suzanne had the misfortune of suffering from the primary symptom of morning sickness whilst driving to work the other day. As she started to tell me, I had begun to contemplate what the top speed the contents of her stomach would have reached. If the car was doing 40 mph and the sick left her mouth at 10 mph (I have no idea how fast it actually left her mouth, this was my best guess) then it would have, momentarily, had a top speed of 50 mph. Could this be a record, does such a record even exist? But just as I'd raised a slight smile at the thought of this, Suzanne had, more sensibly, stopped the car. Damn.

I'll name that baby in one...

2003-09-24T11:06:00.000+01:00

Suzanne and I have had the long discussions about naming the baby. It's impossible to choose a name, but a child in her class has presented us with the perfect solution. His name is Frank*. When Suzanne asked his mother how she came up the that name, she told her that she made it up using this formula. She took the name of a country, added a letter "H" and turned around a couple of the letters to disguise its origins. Brilliant.

Eqhautorial Ghiunea Brooke it is then.

* name was changed and its voice played by an actor to hide his real identity.

Why Generation X Plus One

2003-09-23T13:53:00.000+01:00

I found this definition on the net, "The name "Generation X" comes from the title of a book by Douglas Coupland of British Columbia, Canada. This was also the name of a British Punk group in the 1970s featuring 1980s soloist Billy Idol.
In a 1995 interview, Coupland denied any connection, saying: "The book's title came not from Billy Idol's band, as many supposed, but from the final chapter of a funny sociological book on American class structure titled Class, by Paul Fussell. In his final chapter, Fussell named an "X" category of people who wanted to hop off the merry-go-round of status, money, and social climbing that so often frames modern existence."
When Coupland wrote his book in 1991, the phrase was picked up by marketers desperately seeking a name for the "generation without a name". Of course there's been much wrangling about this term, and many others have been offered, not all of them complimentary. The term "slackers" comes to mind. Other popular terms are "Thirteeners" or "13th Generation", which come from a book by Neil Howe and William Strauss called "Generations", in which we are listed as the 13th generation of the USA since 1620."

Generation X was also the name of a bar in Manchester, but I'm sure it had nothing to do with the above explanation. So, given that I was born in 1975, I would fit the Gen X model and "Plus One" would be the baby.

Now you know.

It Moves...

2003-09-23T13:09:00.000+01:00

We have felt it. It definately twitched, kicked even. It reminded me somewhat of Alien, when the creature bursts out of that bloke's stomach. Except it didn't burst out. This blog would have been far better if it had I guess.